昨日12歲逆反少年 今日軟件業巨頭比爾•蓋茨
2010-01-06 10:17:16夢里江河博客
作為全球頂級富豪的蓋茨曾在12歲那年因為不良行為而被父母帶去看心理醫生。
母親努力想控制蓋茨，而蓋茨卻抗拒從打掃房間到按時吃飯等一切要求。
心理醫生當時告訴老蓋茨夫婦，他們的兒子最終將贏得“獨立戰爭”的勝利。
家長的態度必須有所后退，注意與孩子的“斗爭方式”。
蓋茨父母很快就這么做了，他們放棄了控制蓋茨意志的戰爭。
父母又該怎樣區別一個搗蛋鬼和一個未來天才呢？
孩子桀驁是搗蛋鬼還是天才?
Sue Shellenbarger
所有曾對家中桀驁不馴的中學生發火的家長都能從比爾?蓋茨(Bill Gates)一家的故事中找到一些安慰：作為全球頂級富豪的蓋茨曾在12歲那年因為不良行為而被父母帶去看心理醫生。
這位軟件業巨頭和包括父親老蓋茨在內的家庭成員在接受《華爾街日報》采訪時首次披露了小蓋茨成長過程中的許多細節。老蓋茨目前任他兒子300億美元慈善基金會的聯席主席。他們給我們展現了上世紀50年代時一個親密的家庭：玩各種棋盤游戲、紙牌、乒乓球，還有每個周日雷打不動的大餐。蓋茨的媽媽瑪麗(Mary)是一位活躍的志愿者，并承擔了大部分日常的相夫教子工作，對三個孩子制定了嚴格的行為準則。排在中間的蓋茨學習非常勤奮，曾從頭到尾讀完了一整套大百科全書。
老蓋茨說，蓋茨11歲的時候顯得思維活躍，變得非常好辯，成為了家里日益令人頭疼的人物。他和母親曾吵得火藥味十足。母親努力想控制蓋茨，而蓋茨卻抗拒從打掃房間到按時吃飯等一切要求。蓋茨的妹妹說他令人討厭。甚至蓋茨自己都說，他當時表現得“極其不敬，帶有狂妄自大的孩子般的粗魯”。
一次晚飯時雙方又吵得不可開交，老蓋茨罕見地失去了耐心，他將一杯冷水徑直潑到了蓋茨臉上，結束了這場母子爭論。他和妻子對蓋茨感到擔心，很快帶孩子去看了心理醫生。蓋茨向心理醫生說，正在與想控制他的父母爆發戰爭。心理醫生當時告訴老蓋茨夫婦，他們的兒子最終將贏得“獨立戰爭”的勝利，他們最好減少對他生活的干涉。
心理學家湯普森(Michael Thompson)最近和巴克(Teresa Barker)合著了一本有關撫養孩子的書。他在書中寫道，對11到13歲的男孩來說，蓋茨一家的經驗并不稀奇。隨著孩子們努力發展起獨立、更為成熟的性格，許多人在這個階段會逐步沉穩。但如果一個男孩變得完全沒有禮貌以及離群，他有可能會出現抑郁和破壞性行為。家長的態度必須有所后退，注意與孩子的“斗爭方式”，一方面要堅持讓孩子懂得尊重，另一方面要繼續幫助他成熟。
蓋茨父母很快就這么做了，他們放棄了控制蓋茨意志的戰爭。他們在蓋茨13歲的時候就不同尋常地給了他獨立，允許他晚上去華盛頓大學用電腦。蓋茨曾作為國會聽差，在華盛頓特區呆了很長一段時間。他還曾在大四休學從事程序員的工作。
現年83歲的老蓋茨出版了一本新書談論他的人生和哲學，里面談到了更多有關蓋茨一家的事情。
讀者們，你們是否目睹具有領導天分或創新天賦、意志堅定的孩子在小時候曾讓他們的父母格外頭疼呢？父母又該怎樣區別一個搗蛋鬼和一個未來天才呢？
英文原文：Brat or Budding Genius? Lessons From Bill Gates’ Childhood
Any parent who has ever lost his or her temper with an unruly middle-schooler can take comfort from the story of Bill Gates’ family: The parents of one of the world’s richest men sent him to counseling at age 12 for bad behavior.
In interviews with the Wall Street Journal, the software tycoon and his family members, including his father Bill Gates Sr., now co-chair of his son’s $30-billion philanthropy, for the first time shared many details of raising young Bill. They told of a close 1950s-era family that played board games, cards and ping-pong together, and stuck to routines, such as regular Sunday family dinners. Bill’s mother Mary, described as an active volunteer who did most of the day-to-day parenting, imposed strict behavior standards on her three kids. Young Bill, the middle child, was a diligent learner, reading a whole set of encyclopedias.
At age 11, the senior Mr. Gates says, young Bill seemed to fast-forward intellectually and became very argumentative and an increasing headache for his family. He had explosive arguments with his mother. As she struggled to control him, Bill rebelled over everything from cleaning his room to getting to dinner on time. He ’was nasty,’ his sister says. Even Bill says he behaved with ’utter, total sarcastic, smart-ass kid rudeness.’
In a rare blast of temper over dinner one night, the elder Mr. Gates reacted to a bitter mother-son argument by pitching a glass of cold water in young Bill’s face. His worried parents quickly took Bill to a counselor; Bill told the therapist he was ’at war with my parents over who is in control.’ The counselor advised his parents to ease up a bit, telling them that young Bill would ultimately win the battle for independence.
The Gates’ experience isn’t unusual with boys ages 11 to 13, says psychologist Michael Thompson in a recent book with co-author Teresa Barker on raising boys. Many withdraw at this stage as they strive to develop an independent, more adult identity. But if a boy becomes truly disrespectful and disconnected, he’s at risk for depression or destructive behavior. Parents must step back a bit and start picking their battles ─ insisting on respect while still helping him move toward manhood.
The Gates quickly did that, backing off the battle of wills. They afforded Bill an independence unusual for a 13-year-old, allowing him to take off at night to use the computers at the University of Washington. He spent a lot of time away from home, living in Washington, D.C., as a congressional page; he took a break from school his senior year to work as a programmer.
More information from the Gates family is due out today, in a new book by the senior Mr. Gates, who is 83, about his life and principles.
Readers, have you seen strong-willed kids with leadership or creative abilities cause their parents particular problems when they’re young? How can a parent tell the difference between a brat and a budding genius?
Sue Shellenbarger
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